WHOOOAA haven't written a journal in forever and a half : O
And so so much has changed since my last one hmm
Most people don't expect much for their 17th birthday, but I really didn't expect my closest friends to organize a get-together on my birthday and not invite me. Hm. And among those friends being my best friend who also happens to be my cousin. My brother also my brother forgot. (But at least he felt like crap about it.)Yeah, that was just... Wow. But I ended up spending some quality time with myself, and got to drink hot chocolate while watching the sunrise which is something I always wanted to do.
Then school. Yeah, it sucks. At first it didn't suck so much. But now it does. What's good is that I only have English and French this semester, and bio online. But my views and standards have been altered by great magnitudes since September.
Before: "I'm gonna do so well this year! My average has to be over 90! I'm gonna participate so much! I'm going to stop procrastinating, homework before anime! I have to do well so I can go to U of C so I won't get shunned by my entire family! I'm gonna go to bed early so I can get up early and go to tutorials everyday! Wow I have the highest average in my English class?! This year is gonna be fun!"
Now: "I'm so freaking stupid how have I even managed to survive up til now with this level of stupidity? As long as I pass, I'm good. What, I've only skipped English like 5 times this week. &@#% it's 2 AM already? K, I'll just wake up at 5 to do my homework.... 3 hours of sleep is enough. &@#% it's 9?! Oh well, I'll just skip again, it's not like I did my homework anyway. I legitimately don't remember the last time I did homework. Oh well, I'll just bring my average up with the diploma. I'll just take a gap year. Should I even go to university at all? Should I even bother graduating?"
That's pretty much it.
Lately I've been re-evaluating who my friends are, and all that basic teenager stuff. Letting go of people I thought I'd be spending my future with. I've also gotten closer to a couple people I feel will be here for a while though : 3
Not only have my views regarding my education changed but also my views regarding my religion. Some of the rules of Seventh-Day Adventism always seemed pretty extreme to me. That's why I just want to do what I want to do to the degree of what I feel is right, instead of blindly following what the judgey old people at church want me to do. Hopefully once I get myself together again, it can be just me and my bible, figuring things out for myself. The last time I read my bible of my own accord was probably like a decade ago...dang.
Am I the only one who doesn't really care about Christmas? I mean, like... I don't hate it. It's that there's nothing really good about it. Like... It's not like I sit down and spend time with my family or exchange gifts with all my friends or go anywhere for vacation. Just top all that off with the annoying Christmas music and over-the-top decorations.
Right now things are pretty all over the place but if I could get back on track that'd be great. Yeah.